


Perfect

by destroying_something_beautiful



Category: One Direction
Genre: Anorexia, Death, Drugs, Eating Disorder, M/M, Prostitute, Prostitution, Self Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 11:17:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destroying_something_beautiful/pseuds/destroying_something_beautiful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perfect<br/>A One Direction/Larry Stylinson fanfiction </p><p>It's been a year since Zayn Malik committed suicide, when he found his boyfriend of two years, Niall Horan, cheating on him with the schools football captain Liam Payne. Friends Liam, Niall, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have suffered more than anyone could imagine. Zayn was their rock. The one who kept them all sane. Now boyfriends Harry and Louis have begun hating themselves, Harry beginning to self harm and Louis developing anorexia. Liam, the once studious and kind sports player, has now turned to drugs and Niall spends night after night standing on the side of the street, having turned to prostitution.<br/>So when each boy finds themselves getting texts from the mysterious "Z", they are shocked. Zayn is dead. But no one else could possibly know what "Z" knew. Are they each slowly going mad with time? Or is there something that Zayn never told them when he was alive?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my chartered fanfiction called Perfect, and I don't really have much to say other than that I hope you guys enjoy it! I would love feedback so that I can know whether to continue or not! Oh, and most chapters will be longer than this. xx

A year. That was exactly how long it had been from the day that Zayn Malik had committed suicide. September 1st, 2012, was the day that the lives of Liam Payne, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, and Harry Styles had been turned completely upside down. Because that was the day that Zayn Malik had found his boyfriend of two years, Niall Horan, making out with none other than one of Zayn's best friends, Liam Payne. He seemed to brush the incident off like it was no big deal, but that evening, when Louis went to check on him to see how he was, all he found was a room with brains painted like graffiti on the walls. 

Fast forward exactly a year, and everything had changed. The confident, funny Louis Tomlinson had disappeared, leaving behind a boy with anorexia and bodyweight issues. The cheeky and sweet Harry Styles had resorted to littering his body with burns and cuts. Liam Payne's genuine and kind demeanor was gone, leaving behind a drug addict who had been to rehab countless times. And finally, the once innocent Niall Horan had become none other than a boy selling love on the side of the streets late at night. 

On September 1st, 2013, it was exactly a year since Zayn had been gone. The four remaining boys stood beside the deceased boy's tombstone. To this day, Niall still cried whenever Zayn was mentioned, knowing that if he hadn't been such a douche back then, his funny, sweet, artistic, mysterious, and talented boyfriend would still be there with him.

Liam knew he could have done better too. He had been an idiot to initiate things with Niall, no matter how much he might like the beautiful Irish boy. It was still wrong of him. Harry, though he knew he had done nothing wrong, still felt that he should have prevented Liam from feeling anything but friendship towards Niall. But Louis was the one with the biggest amount of guilt. No matter how much remorse Niall or Liam felt, no matter how sad Harry was, Louis knew that his guilt was than strongest. Because he had been the one to find Zayn with a bullet in his head and brains painting the walls. 

And there the four of them stood, each in their own little worlds, Niall silently pleading for Zayn to forgive him, Liam apologizing profusely in his mind for what he had done, Louis reliving the horrible scene of Zayn's death, and Harry realizing how he really had lost a friend all too soon. 

Niall was the first to break the silence. He stepped forward, the cool September breeze slapping his face, and he knelt slowly in front of Zayn's tombstone. 

"I love you. You know that, don't you?" Niall's voice cracked as tears slowly began streaking down his face. "Goddammit, Zayn, I was the biggest fucking idiot. I never loved Liam, I only ever loved you." He took a deep breath hesitant but ready to say the next part. "You didn't know, but I had a ring picked out." He nodded slowly, knowing Zayn could probably hear him in Heaven. "Yeah," he whispered. "I did. God, it was beautiful. But it would have looked even more beautiful on you." With that final statement, Niall stood up, backing away from the tombstone of the boy he loved. 

The other three boys looked around at each other. None of them had none about Niall's secret, about wanting to propose to Zayn. Liam bit his lip, feeling horrible that he had been the one to ruin that. 

Niall spoke again, his voice quieter than before. "Well lads, I think that's all I needed to do." He motioned for Harry to go up to the tombstone next, to talk and apologize to Zayn. 

Harry crouched in front of the tombstone, wiping his eyes. "Mate, I can't believe it's been a while year," he murmured. "You've been gone a whole fucking year. Dammit, Zayn," he whispered. "Why haven't you come back?" 

He inhaled slowly and nodded. "We all miss you like hell, you know. You don't know how much this is tearing us apart. Lou won't even eat anymore. Liam's doing drugs, too, you know. And it's all because you left when it wasn't your time." Liam slowly approached Harry, placing his hand gently on the younger boy's shoulder. "It's okay," he whispered, even though they both knew that wasn't true. Harry just nodded and backed away from the tombstone, allowing Liam to kneel down in front of it. "I'm sorry," he whispered to Zayn's tombstone. "It was all my fault. I took Niall away from you and now you're dead because of it." He sighed, shaking his head. He repeated, "it's all my fault. I took him from you and he's never going to see you again. None of us are. How could you do that? We all loved you, Zayn. You were a brother to me, Louis, and Harry. And fuck, Zayn, Niall was going to propose to you. How can you think you weren't loved?" Liam finally broke down, sobbing in front of Zayn's grave. After a few minutes, he composed himself, and he slowly rose, allowing Louis to say his words to mark one year without Zayn. "Hey, mate," Louis murmured, placing his hand on the tombstone. "I miss you. We all do." He sighed, shaking his head. "Liam's already told you all that, though. How much we miss you and how much you meant- and how much you still mean- to all of us. I just don't understand how you could leave us all behind. You could have talked things out with Niall. Hell, if I had killed myself every time that Harry had disappointed me or made me upset, I'd be dead a thousand times over. Mate, you should have held on just a little bit longer. Niall is devastated without you." He sighed again, and shook his head. "Look, I don't think I can stand talking to you for much longer. Neither can any of the others." Louis stood up, wiping the dirt off his black skinny jeans. As the four of them slowly began to leave the cemetery, Harry turned around one last time and called back softly, "we haven't forgotten about you, mate. I hope to God that you haven't forgotten about us."


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! I apologize for the shortness and boringness of this chapter; it's kind of a filler chapter. But the good stuff comes in next chapter, so please stick around! xx

September 2nd, 2013. Zayn had been gone for one year and one day now, and the boy's hadn't been doing much better. Each of the boys continued blaming themselves, although they knew it wouldn't do them any good. In fact, the worrying had made things worse; Louis had refused to eat since the previous morning. Niall had spent the might standing on the side of the street and bringing men home to fuck. Liam had cried until nearly two in the morning, knowing that his best friend had been gone for a year now, and it was all because of him. And Harry had spent the might in the bathroom, slicing up his delicate wrists. 

It was about nine twenty in the morning when Louis woke up and rolled over to face Harry, who lay next to him. 

"Good morning, baby," he murmured gently into Harry's ear, waking him up. "You feeling any better this morning?" Harry, just like the rest of the boys, had been in am awful state of mind the night before. Louis knew this, but what he didn't know was that Harry had picked apart a shaving razor and cut his wrists open while Louis lay sleeping peacefully. 

"Not really," Harry whispered back, still only half awake. And it was true; Harry felt like shit, physically and emotionally. His wrists still burned from the cutting, and it had finally dawned on him the night before, that Zayn really was gone for good. 

Louis nodded, already knowing that of course Harry wouldn't be feeling any better. None of the boys would be. Louis felt just as awful as Harry. The older boy had actually made a pact with himself that he wouldn't eat anything until Zayn came back. Because Zayn was coming back, right? 

Harry turned over in bed, rolling over to face Louis. "Baby, did you eat dinner last night?" Louis' silence that followed the question told him everything he needed to know. "I know you're upset. I am too. But you have to eat."

"M'not hungry," Louis muttered, ducking his head down in shame. He hated disappointing or upsetting his boyfriend, but the younger boy just didn't understand. Starving was a punishment. Punishment for not being a good enough friend to Zayn, for not stopping Liam before he kissed Niall, for not reminding Niall that the Irish boy only loved Zayn. 

'I'm such a bad person,' Louis thought to himself. 'I could have done better. I could have saved Zayn. But I didn't, so I don't get to ear anymore.'

Harry sighed. "C'mon, Lou," he urged Louis gently. "Why don't we go see how Liam and Niall are? They weren't exactly in a good mood last night either." 

Louis' shrugged indifferently. "Yeah, sure," he muttered. Normally, he would have been eager to see how his friends were, but he just didn't feel good. He was in a pissy mood and continued to blame himself for everything. The fact that it had already been a year without Zayn really bothered him. 

Harry sighed again, softly stroking Louis' hair. "It's gonna be okay, Lou," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the older boy's head. "I promise." 

Louis' shrugged, not quite sure he believed Harry, but he agreed anyway. "I guess so," he whispered. "I just don't understand. Why- why did he have to go, Hazza?" Louis' voice slowly began to get more and more choked up. "I miss him," he whimpered. 

"Shh," Harry soothed, stroking Louis' hair again. "I know." It was hard for Harry to see Louis like that; not only was he concerned for his boyfriend, but it was also difficult for Harry to be the strong one. The one who comforted Louis, when Harry also needed comforting. He needed his best friend back too. 

Louis seemed to read Harry's mind, and he pulled away from Harry, shaking his head. "Sorry," he whispered. "I just can't stand it."

 

"I know," Harry repeated softly. After a slight pause in the conversion, he said, "now why don't we go see how Liam and Niall are?" 

 

Louis nodded, wiping his eyes, before standing up and motioning for Harry to do the same. "C'mon, love," Harry murmured, standing up and taking Louis' hand to comfort the older boy. They both needed a lot of comforting recently. But then again, they had no idea that, after visiting with Liam and Niall, they would need more comforting than they ever imagined.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this is a short chapter but this is where everything starts getting good and dramatic. Enjoy! xx

Harry and Louis, still hand in hand, approached Niall's room, knocking on the door. It was only about quarter to ten, so Louis assumed that Niall may not be awake. But when he heard a stifled sob sound from the Irish boy's room, he and Harry looked at each other instantly. It didn't seem unusual; Niall had always cried. In fact, he had cried nearly every night since Zayn's suicide. But no, this cry sounded different. Like he was stunned. 

A soft, undeniably comforting voice, whispered, "it's okay, shh," to the now sobbing Niall. That voice belonged to none other than Liam. Harry and Louis glanced at each other curiously, and finally, Harry knocked on the door. 

"Hey, Ni?" he asked gently. "You okay in there?" 

Louis nearly smacked his boyfriend's face. "Of course he's not okay, you idiot!" he hissed. Harry was about to reply with a snarky comment, but Niall's reply sounded from inside the closed door. 

"No." 

Harry sighed, feeling bad for his best friend. "Can we come in?" he tried again. 

"No." 

Liam sighed, gently rubbing Niall's back in an attempt to calm him down and make him feel better. "I think Harry should come in, you know.." he suggested softly. But Niall just shook his head again. 

"I don't want them to find out.." he whispered, so softly that only Liam could hear him. 

Liam bit his lip, trying to choose what the best decision was. After a long pause, he finally came to a conclusion. "Nialler, they need to know." The first sentence was soft, but the next was a call to Harry and Louis. "Come on in." 

 

Louis gently pulled his fingers out of Harry's, and went to open the door. When he opened it, Louis felt like crying. Niall lay on his bed, head in his hands, his body shaking with sobs. Liam sat next to him, attempting desperately to comfort the poor boy. 

Harry was the first to step forward, offering a comforting hug to Niall. "Niall..?" he asked when he pulled away from the hug. "Can you tell me what's wrong? 

Niall shook his head in protest, and that was when Louis walked over to him and asked, "please?" 

Niall went to say no again, but all that came out was, "look". He pointed to his phone, that sat on the corner of his bed. Harry picked it up, and saw that Niall's texts were up. He started to scroll through, when a number he didn't know came up. Harry opened the file and it read: 

"Hello, prostitute. -Z" 

Harry stared up from the file, looking at Niall, his face curious and aghast. The look on Niall's face told everything. 

"Niall...?" Louis asked slowly, having read the text over Harry's shoulder. "You aren't a...?" He didn't dare say the word "prostitute". 

Niall burst into sobs. That was all Harry and Louis needed to know. 

And it never dawned on any of them that the revealing text had been signed with a "Z".


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took a couple days. I've decided that I might not make each chapter long, but I'll try to spit one out every few days because they're short. Enjoy! xx

"Niall, come on, talk to me," Liam begged. The four boys still sat in Niall's bedroom, the boy still shaking and refusing to talk. Harry couldn't blame him; that mysterious text had been horribly revealing. Harry knew that he would be horrified if his own secret got out, he understood how judged and scared Niall must feel. Still, Harry couldn't help but want the boy to talk about what had been revealed in the text. 

Niall shook his head again, refusing to say another word. Liam just sighed and looked over at Louis, who just shrugged helplessly. 

"Look, Niall," Liam begged, desperate. "None of us have judged you, neither are we going to judge you. We just.." he trailed off for a minute, before continuing. "We just didn't know what was going on." He sighed again, gently touching Niall's arm in an attempt to comfort or reassure him. "We're all really worried about you." 

"Well maybe I don't want you to be worried," Niall snapped, his voice shaky even though he tried to sound hostile. "'Cause if you worry, then it means you care. And the last time someone cared for me, they ended up dead." He swallowed harshly, and the three other boys stayed absolutely silent, knowing that Niall meant Zayn.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, but it was probably only minutes, Harry spoke up. "You didn't disappoint him, Niall." 

The room went dead silent. Nobody talked about Zayn. Ever. They sometimes talked to him at his grave, but they never talked about him between each other. The memories were too painful for any of them to bear- Harry's memories of the laughing and bantering that they would never get to do again, Niall's bittersweet memories of the whispered "I love you"s late at night. Liam's memories of Zayn's horrified face when he found out about "the incident". And the most painful memory was Louis'. The memory of his best mate with a bullet in his head. 

Niall laughed bitterly in Harry's face. "You're telling me I didn't fucking disappoint my boyfriend by fucking cheating on him?" He snapped. "Wouldn't you be disappointed in Louis if he cheated on you?Cause the situations aren't any different." 

"No," Harry said simply after a few minutes of silence between the four boys. Liam frowned curiously at him, wondering what exactly he was saying no to. Harry sighed, elaborating on his point. 

"No, Niall, I wouldn't be disappointed in him. I would be disappointed in myself. Just like I'm sure Zayn is- I mean was," he corrected himself, swallowing the lump that rose in his throat as he thought about how Zayn was only a "was" now. 

Niall sighed and looked over at Louis and Liam, hesitant to believe what Harry was saying. Was he right? Niall asked himself. Had Zayn not been disappointed in him, but disappointed in himself. "Well I guess we'll never really know," he whispered, his voice so soft that he doubted any of the boys could hear him. 

But they did hear him, and they all seemed to agree. "You're right, Ni," Louis said softly. "We won't ever know. So why worry about it?"

Niall shrugged silently. He picked his phone up again and looked at the text again, and the look on his face turned from sad to disbelieving to angry, all in a matter of seconds. The boys all watched him carefully, confused as to what was happening and why his face contorted into an expression of disbelief once again.

"Uh, g-guys..?" he asked hesitantly, biting his lip. "Why is this text signed with a "Z"?"


End file.
